Wednesday, March 30, 2016


Years ago I heard someone say, “It pays to serve God, but if you serve Him because it pays, it don’t pay”.

When you know you have been called to do something, do it for the sake of the calling. Do the work for the sake of the work. Do it for the sake of being obedient to God’s assignment on your life.  When you acknowledge the call of God and direction of God on your life, and your next thought is how you will be able to make a good living doing it, you’re off on the wrong foot. Understand that whatever the Lord has given you as a special gift or ability, that gift or ability is meant to be as much of a ministry tool as a means to make a living. So obey God for the sake of obedience and for what it is first and foremost: an avenue of ministry. He has already promised that He will pay what is right. He will supply all of our needs according to His riches in glory. He will even grant the desires of our hearts. He will give us full and unspeakable joy. Do you not trust Him to do what He said? Have you forgotten that it is impossible for Him to lie? Even if He did lie, you’d never know it because heaven and earth would immediately pass away.

Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you in how to perfect what you do. Allow Him to continue to reveal to you all of your gifts and abilities and how they all play a role in supporting your calling. Take nothing for granted. Think of nothing as too small or unimportant. Pay attention to minute details. Be meticulous. When the Holy Spirit points out something minute to you that requires attention, don’t brush it off and say, “Nobody’s going to be paying attention to something that small”.  How silly of you!  Did not the Holy Spirit just point it out to you? He’s paying attention. Is He not Somebody?  He showed you, and you saw it too, so yes, somebody will see it.  Excellence isn’t measured only by the big things easily drawn to people’s attention. True excellence is in the minutest of details that show that you care about everything and leave nothing to chance. That even the smallest of details are a big deal to you. That you’re not just trying to make an impression or look good on the surface for somebody, but that you care about something as if everybody will notice it, even if you are the only one who notices it.

REMEMBER: Nobody’s perfect, but we can all be excellent.

Don’t be someone whose main mission is to get paid for something that you can’t offer in excellence. Don’t be someone who’s always up to something, from one scheme to the next, one business venture to the next, and never hitting pay dirt, never tapping into your true calling. Don’t minimize the call of God on your life buy putting price tags on it, especially when you haven’t even perfected any of it. Stop charging, and in many cases, over charging people for products or services that you haven’t put your best effort into, just for a quick buck or just to say you’re making money for it. If you are truly called of God to do what you are doing, He already has your way made for you. He knows where every dollar will come from that will be placed into your hands. For every dollar you make you need to realize that there could be someone out there killing future clients via word of mouth about your careless and sloppy work. 

Let everything you do be done as unto the Lord, and for His glory. Realize that you are always center stage under His spotlight, with Him as your audience. Before you seek money, seek to be your very best. Seek growth. Seek to be consistent. Seek God’s approval. If you’re going to be exhausted at the end of the day, let it be from pouring out your best energy to produce the best possible results, and not from chasing pipe dreams and quick cash in exchange for mediocrity. Trust me, if the Lord approves, you’ll get paid and paid well, and in more ways than just money. The fullness of joy that He has promised comes from more than just a full bank account. Some of it will come from simply knowing that you have given all.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Even in Prayer, Be Careful

I recently dreamed that a young man was about to minister to me at the altar but he stopped and got in my ear and said, “Be careful about who you ask to pray for you about things. When you ask them to pray for you, they find out what’s on your heart and when they know what’s on your heart, they can use it against you. They can use it to their own advantage.”

I believe the lesson in that is very powerful. Our need to be spiritually keen is a desperate one.  We have dreams, desires, things that we want to do for God, and things that we know that He has called us to.  Prayer may seem to be a thing that the enemy couldn’t possibly use against us. I mean, after all, it’s communication with God!  But in a situation where you’re sharing something personal with someone and asking them to agree with you in prayer, it can be the very tool that is used to stab you in the back.  Never forget that your enemy, the devil hates you and he will attack or hurt you by any means necessary, even if it means using someone you trust in the church, someone you trust and look up to, or your lack of understanding of scripture. The bible teaches us to pray for wisdom (James 1:5). It also teaches us that the Holy Spirit will teach us all things. (John 14:26) And it teaches us to believe not every spirit, but to try the spirit. (I John 4:1).
Basically we cannot live this Christian life successfully and victoriously without the help, guidance and power of the Holy Spirit, or without knowledge of the Word of God.

There is also a story in the book of Acts where we learn why it is important to be able to discern the spirit of a person. The Apostle Paul became grieved and turned and cast a demon out of a woman who was following him and the other apostles, singing their praises and telling everyone, “These men are the servants of the most high God, which shew unto us the way of salvation.”  Was she not telling the truth? Were they not servants of the most High?  Were they not showing the way of salvation?  Yes! But the problem was the spirit behind it, the spirit inside the woman. What seemed on the outside to be free advertisement for the men of God, or something that would work in the favor of the Apostles, was actually something that was the opposite, a woman with a demonic spirit appearing to be a part of that which is righteous. She was known for making money for her masters for fortune telling but here she now seemed to be someone working with the men of God. Although doing this might increase her following and bring even more money to her masters, it would have had a more negative outcome for the men of God.

This story goes to prove that not everyone is on your side or in your corner, just because they are saying good things about you. They aren’t really supporting you just because they follow you everywhere or on social media outlets. Their always being there does not mean that you can actually count on them when you have a need. Holding your hand and seeming to agree with you in prayer doesn’t automatically mean that they love you or that their prayers will get past the ceiling. It could be that they are addicted to you even though they hate you. It could be that they are just gathering information to fuel their next attack against you and the whole time you might be sensing that something is terribly off, without realizing that it’s because of someone you trust to “touch and agree” with you in prayer.

As we move forward from this day I pray that the Holy Ghost will continue to help us by periodically bringing this to our remembrance. I pray that our hearts will be sensitive and tender to His leading and obedient to His direction. That our eyes will be opened to see past the immediate and natural and directly into the real spirit that is motivating all of those we are in contact with, even in prayer.

Thursday, March 10, 2016

The Pain of Recovery

Bishop Jakes said, "Sometimes the pain of recovery can hurt worse than the pain of the injury."
He ain't nevva lied on that one. The healing process can be deceiving because the healing can be so painful that it makes you think that the opposite is happening. But the Lord has had to remind me of something He said to me years ago, "The whole time you're hurting, you're healing. Whatever is squeezing you, squeeze it back until you squeeze your blessing out of it". Like in childbirth, it's not easy to bear down on the same pain that's so unbearable. But you've got a baby in there trying to come out. The pain means, HE/SHE IS COMING! So you have to COOPERATE with the pain, TEAM UP with the pain, in order to birth what's in you trying desperately to get out and that the enemy is trying just as desperately to kill before it gets out.

It's not so much YOU that he's trying to kill. It's what's IN you. I'm reminded of Job when the devil went to God for permission to attack him. God told him, "Just don't touch his LIFE". In other words, you can kill everybody close to him. Kill everything that belongs to him. But you CAN'T KILL HIM. 

It's the same with you and I. He's not trying to kill YOU, because He knows He can't get that kind of permission from God. Honestly, he doesn't have as much a problem with you being alive as he does with you being effective, productive, relevant, encouraged. So if he can kill what's IN you, your drive, determination, passion and your very faith, by killing everything around you, what belongs to you, getting in as many relationships as possible and killing those, that's what he's after anyway. He wants to convince you that you are left with nothing to live for, and he wants you to blame God for it. 

What did Job's wife say to him? That it would be better for him to CURSE GOD and DIE. Why not just die? Because the enemy didn't go to God and tell him that if he allowed him to take away everything from him he would die. He said he would curse God. THAT'S what that whole book was about, getting Job, or trying to get Job to curse God. But Job passed the test. Yes, he cursed the day he was born, but that brother didn't curse his GOD. Instead he BLESSED HIM. Even when the ONE person close to him who survived all the calamities, was the one who offered the so called solution to his problem: Curse God and die. Even when his friends came and sat with him and pretty much accused him of being unrighteous, or hiding some kind of sin which brought all this upon himself. He passed the test. With all they claimed to know about God, they didn't know that sometimes God will turn the devil loose on you. They didn't know that some storms of life, some trials can't be rebuked away because even though they came from the devil, they came with God's specific signature of approval and instructions. They didn't understand that sometimes, some things only happen so that God will have a stage on which to perform. Even with a bit of rebuke from God like, "Hold on Job. Who you think you talkin to bruh?", he still passed the test. Because he didn't curse his HELP. The Lord Himself became Job's "cheat sheet", and helped him to NOT do the very thing that satan wanted him to do. With the passing of the test came double everything he'd lost.

But don't think that in the mean time Job didn't have to go through the healing. Those sores had to HEAL. The bible doesn't talk about "immediately" or "straightway" his sores were healed. So it's safe to believe that his physical healing was a process. A painful, uncomfortable, inconvenient, itchy (because when sores heal they ITCH) process. The twice as many cattle didn't just magically appear. He had to start somewhere and mate animals and wait for them to be birthed, with each mama animal experiencing the discomfort of those births.

Somebody had to give birth to all those children who replaced the ones he lost. Nobody carried all of those babies at once. Unless there was a multiple birth in there somewhere, each of those babies was carried separately, birthed individually, each with their own pain to the mom.

I've never really known of a preacher/teacher who likes to talk about Job.  There seems to always be this behind-the-scenes fear that if they preach about him they'll end up suffering on another level because of it. But we're so silly. We're suffering anyway! A brother like Job can help us to understand better what's happening, and why it's REALLY happening and the kind of outcome we can look forward to.

There's something about the severity of pain that can distract you to the point of blindness and deafness, where you can't see the hand of God in the situation, or hear Him as clearly as you would without the pain. But by the time that same pain begins to subside, it can also HELP you see and hear God more clearly than you would have without the pain. Imagine that! There's something about the severity of pain that will make you go from cursing the day you(or someone else) were born to being eternally thankful and grateful that God saw fit collaborate with the devil to rip your heart out.  But you have to past the tests first, and there are two of them: The pain of the injury, AND the pain of recovery.

Thursday, March 3, 2016

The ONE Who Prays For You

Don’t underestimate the power in your own mouth, even in times of crisis when you don’t know WHAT to pray. Remember that death and life are in the power of your tongue. You may not have a “dear heavenly Father, I come to You”, kind of prayer, but open your mouth and SPEAK LIFE. Speak what you DESIRE and what God PROMISED, not what you see. Talk to God about who you know He is.  Sometimes you’re asking people to pray for you, with you, etc, and guess what?  THEY don’t know what to pray either!  They have to seek the help of the Spirit to even know HOW to pray for you!  

But the bible has you covered:

Romans 8:26 (KJV) (Also read the MSG translation)

Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.

By all means call on the prayer warriors, your pastor, etc. The bible does say that the "effectual fervent prayer of the righteous avails much". But more than anything, call on the Holy Spirit. He’s the HELP that we ALL need. He’s the teacher. He will remind you of what you already know about God and this will help you know how to approach God in prayer, even in a crisis situation. And He’s the one, when no words come to mind, even about your own life, your own marriage, your own child, who knows exactly what needs to be said to the Father. He will help you pray, teach you to pray, pray through you, and when you can’t open your mouth, pray FOR you. You are truly covered in prayer by the Holy Spirit.

The beautiful thing about the Holy Spirit making intercession for us is that He does it without our asking for it. The bible doesn’t say that if we ask Him to do it He will do it. It simply says that He makes intercession. It’s a given. It’s a part of His job description, and it’s what we should thank Him for on a daily basis, because that's when He does it, not just in crisis. Whether you feel like you’re batting a thousand or like you've been run over by a Mac truck; whether you feel like you can take on the world or like you feel like the weight of the world is on you, He makes intercession. He stays before the Father on your behalf, because that’s just what He does. There are days, like today for instance, that I am extremely thankful for the fact that I have someone standing before the throne of God on my behalf. 

Wednesday, March 2, 2016

Divorced and Better Than Ever

1.  Divorce is a type of death: It’s the death of something that we thought or hoped would live forever...our marriage. (According to scripture the only death that should occur in marriage is the death of one of the spouses, not the marriage itself.) The difference between the death of a marriage and the death of a person though is, depending on the situation, you might think that it would have been better if the former spouse had just DIED. But instead you have to see them, deal with them about the children, the financial issues that need to be settled, etc. So basically you’re dealing with a dead situation, but with a live person that you may sometimes wish was dead.

2.  Time to cry/grieve: Allow yourself to grieve. In the Five Stages of Grief, this first phase is called DENIAL/SHOCK. At first, you may not feel any grief, sadness or regret, and it may cause you to believe that you are unaffected, or like God is “supernaturally carrying you through”.  *But this is actually just a part of the process. After that initial phase of denial/shock/euphoria passes you will begin to feel a wide range of emotions. Don’t think that just because you’re the one who left, that you won’t grieve. Grief is a natural response to the death of something. What are you grieving? Loss. Loss of what??? Because you might say that YOU were the one who left and you have no regrets. Even with no regrets there is still a grieving of the loss. Loss of what you hoped for. Loss of what should have happened. Loss of what marriage is supposed to be. Loss of all that you imagined. Loss of the good it was before it went bad. Loss of YOUR marriage because now, you have become a statistic.

However it hits you, let it hit, whether in quiet tears or like a Mack truck. Let it out. Let it hurt. Let it go. This is not the time to try to be brave, or to try to be what you may think bravery looks like. You already are brave. You were either brave enough to make the difficult decision to end something that never should have started, or to walk away from something that was draining the life out of you, or you were brave enough to keep living after being left by the one you thought would always be there for you. Holding back the grief doesn’t make you more spiritual, but makes you more of a ticking time bomb that’s going to go off on the wrong person at the wrong time and in the wrong place. Holding it back causes roots of bitterness to grow from not having dealt with the hurt properly.

3.  Pray for healing and choose to forgive: When you feel hurt, pray for healing. When you feel anger or rage, confess forgiveness. To forgive is a CHOICE. It’s the choice you make in response to the COMMAND to forgive. In your flesh you can’t forgive. But the power to succeed is in the command to do. This is basically saying that even if you don’t have the ability to do something, once God asks you to do it, the ability to do it in IN the command to do it. All that is required is your obedience. The ability is not something you can receive by a cloud coming into your room and surrounding you, or some out of body experience. It’s not something anyone else, even God can do for you.  But God gives you the grace to forgive. A key to forgiveness is that if you’re waiting for the hurt and anger to stop before you forgive, you’ll never forgive. Depending on your fragile emotions that can change with the wind will keep you in a place of constant pain, anger and bitterness.

4.  Embrace your new normal:
a.   You may find yourself feeling more isolated than ever. Suddenly it is just you, or you and your little ones, and you may find yourself in a place where you expected more support than what you are receiving. This can come as a surprise and it can really be hurtful, but there are blessings in your isolation waiting to be bestowed upon you.
b.  The greatest blessing, I believe is that you can get to know yourself outside of a relationship…outside of being attached to someone who can heavily influence or maybe even control what you do. You need to know who YOU are. Learn the sound of your OWN thoughts inside your OWN head! What do you like or dislike? Narrow it all down to who you really are without any input from another person. For many of us, this is something we failed to do prior to marriage. Shortly after my divorce I began to notice this happening to me. I was mildly surprised the first few times I heard myself think, “I don’t like that”. I had to pause and allow myself to HEAR myself. I heard myself say or think that I didn’t like something ALL BY MYSELF!  There was no influence from my husband or anybody at church. It was just me saying, “I don’t’ like that”. It was amazing.

5.  Let God talk to you about YOU: Who you are in God is not predicated upon whether or not you have a husband. That is a requirement, stipulation, or restriction we place on ourselves. It does NOT come from God. If you believe that you need a husband in order to be all God has created and ordained you to be, you will put your life on hold, waiting for a man to come along and validate you and give you permission to do what God ordained you to do before the foundations of the earth were laid. Our relationships with God and His assignments on our lives are personal. If it is His Will for you to work with a husband in ministry, you will. But that doesn’t mean your husband has to come and say that it’s okay. God is the one who gives the OK. You need to be walking in your call. Your true mate is in your calling, your assignment. Your mate is in your PURPOSE.  If a man can give you your calling, he can take it back from you. If he can give you permission, he can shut you down.

6.  Ask God questions about EVERYTHING!: Here are some examples of things to ask Him about. Let Him teach you about what you could have done differently. This is not saying that what happened is your fault, but with any failed test you want to find out what answers you got wrong, because you want to be better prepared for the next test. It may be an issue with your study habits, or maybe you rushed through it, etc. The answer to this question may take you back to who you married to begin with. Why did you marry them? What was your state of mind? What were your thoughts and beliefs about yourself? If you discover negative thoughts or beliefs about yourself, ask Him to help you change those thoughts. He may go back to your childhood and point out to you the very moment your thinking shifted for the negative. What were your expectations going into it? Allow Him to teach you if any of those expectations were unrealistic? Were you expecting your spouse to fill a void that only God can fill?  Did you marry someone who was expecting that of you? Ask God about your own behavior during the marriage. A lot of our behavior is shaped by our beliefs and expectations. This is why many are over before they start, doomed from the giddy up. Ask Him about anything you want that has to do with relationships, and what you need to know and understand about yourself, and who you are and who you were created to be. Allow this time for God to help you to get acquainted with yourself and make the necessary adjustments that will help you walk in wholeness.

2/29/16: Mind a Little More at Ease

I’ve been having the needle poking feeling in my fingertips and toes. It’s bothering me mentally and emotionally.  It’s from the blood sugar.

So this morning I googled, "The Truth About Metformin” and I’ve come across 2 very good articles. The first one at, gave me some peace about taking it, but advised to be sure and take a good B12 vitamin. It also encourages that when you are trying to get your blood sugar under control it’s the best first line of defense.  The honest truth is, blood sugar got out of control over a long period of time, and for someone like me whose A1C is already 7.3, I need to get it down quickly so I can have some time to get some results from the changes I’m making in my diet. I also liked that the article states that the BEST way to treat and even reverse diabetes is through diet and exercise.

The other article lead me to a third one with some great pointers. It was on
Restoring thyroid function without drugs
If you have low thyroid function, there are several things you can do to improve it without taking thyroid medication:
• Avoid sugar, white flour and refined foods, which can cause imbalances in thyroid and other hormones.
• Get regular exercise. The benefits of physical activity are too numerous to list here, but one of them is improving thyroid hormone production and utilisation.
• Stress increases output of the adrenal hormone cortisol, which can play havoc with your thyroid.
• Your thyroid combines the amino acid L-tyrosine with the mineral iodine to make thyroid hormone, so it needs a good supply of both these nutrients. Eating protein-rich foods at every meal will normally supply enough L-tyrosine. The best source of iodine is seaweed – get dried seaweed sprinkles to use as a tasty condiment.
• Vitamin D is also crucial to thyroid function. Get 10-20 minutes daily exposure to strong sunlight (without sunscreen), or take a supplement of 4000 IU a day.
• Vitamins in the B-group all play different roles in regulating thyroid function and taking a high-strength vitamin B-complex supplement may be helpful.
• Selenium is also essential for healthy levels of thyroid hormone, but is often lacking in the diet. Best sources are Brazil nuts, salmon, sunflower seeds, beef, mushrooms and onions.
• Consider taking a supplement of sarsaparilla root. The main ingredient of the popular 19thcentury tonic “root beer”, it contains natural steroidal saponins and glycosides that enhance glandular balance and boost hormone production.

Keep my grams of carbs under 100 per day. Rice, beans, pasta.
You need to STOP craving carbs…foods with carbs.
Eat before you get hungry. Every 2-3 hours. Keeps snacks with you. Nuts, peanut butter, apple. I think I’ll opt for the pear instead of the apple. I think apples might be much higher in sugar or carbs than pears. Plus, pears are low in carbs and high in fiber. They move me mightily.

At this point it’s not about calories in/out and fat content. If you’re insulin resistant counting calories and fat makes no difference.

EXERCISE. BURNS UP GLUCOSE AND GETS INSULIN OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM FASTER. Walking 4 times a week for 30 minutes can do a lot of good.

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

2/28/16 Throw That Fear in the Trash!

So today at church we had Dump/Trash Day, where we wrote things on an index card that we want to throw into the trash. One of the things I wrote on my card was "fear of food/eating". Any type of fear will cripple you and stunt your growth. It will keep you from doing simple things.  I can't live like that and as a believer, I know that God has not given me the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Being fearful hinders your decision-making, stifles you and paralyzes you. So I threw that trash in the trash today.

I need to get another bottle of Noni Juice which also lowers blood pressure and regulates blood sugar. It looks like black diarrhea and tastes a little bit like vomit, but as long as you take it, it helps blood pressure and blood sugar. Hibiscus (tea) also lowers blood pressure.

For dinner I made cabbage flavored with smoked neck bones, corn and green beans medley with butter, and I smothered some chicken thighs and added a can of cream of mushroom for gravy. I made lemonade with the juice of half a lemon and one teaspoon of organic sugar for one glass. I later used the juice from the other half of the lemon in a cup of water with no sugar.

2/27/16 Literally Afraid to Eat

I was literally afraid to eat this morning. I didn’t get around to eating anything until after 10:00 even though I was up before 7:00. I can’t live like this. I can’t be afraid of food but I am right now.

I didn’t use the blood sugar thingy to check my blood sugar either. I’m afraid that looking at it six times a week will just make matters worse for me emotionally.

I did go to Sprouts today and I liked it. I got some fresh veggies, salad and poked around a bit. I think I need to learn how to pick a good mango though. I bought one and put it in the fridge at home. Two days later my daughter and I decided to eat it. It was quite ripe, and when she tasted it she spit it out. I guess I didn't pick a good one. :-(

With what I learned about vitamins yesterday from watching Dr Merritt, I asked a few more questions while there and the guy was no help. If you want to know about foods, don’t ask a doctor, ask a nutritionist. They understand foods and how the body uses them. She only has 6 videos on youtube and I've watched each of them. I will watch them from time to time to make sure I really understand how this blood sugar thing works. Reversing this will have to be done intentionally.

I have been thinking about how my body started acting as soon as that woman from the doctor’s office told me I had developed diabetes. My body IMMEDIATELY started acting like a diabetic body. Pissing every 20-30 minutes for starters.  Hunger in my gut that won’t go away and increases after I eat anything. That wasn’t happening before I heard those words, “You’ve developed Type II Diabetes”.  Goes to show that there really is POWER IN WORDS. 

I had to go back to Sprouts to look for the beet juice. I found some and when I tasted it, I describe it as tasting like the wages of sin. I did see a recipe for beet juice smoothie that includes pineapple.  Will definitely have to try that. Someone else said apple too. Yeah we gotta do something.

Foods that lower/regulate blood pressure: Beets. Almonds

Both brown rice and white rice spike blood sugar, due to the carbs.

Since watching Dr Merritt I have been reading labels and counting carbs. THIS is what I believe has me the most afraid of eating. It seems EVERYTHING has some carbs and most of what I enjoy has the MOST amount of carbs. I felt a bit helpless, almost hopeless for a little bit...and the fear set in. But it can be done

02/26/16 Peeing Every 20 Minutes

Weight: down 5 pounds since Monday.
Haven’t had pop since Tuesday. I’ve known people to lose 20-25 pounds JUST from taking pop out of their diets.

I went to the doctor today to discuss meds. I’m sad. He prescribed Metformin. I left there with the kit to stick myself twice a day, three days a week, to monitor my blood sugar. L “I mentioned the things I’ve heard about medications and his response was basically, “don’t listen to them. Listen to your doctor, the one who studied medicine for 12 years.”

After he gave me the rundown of everything I just felt so bad. I told him it sounds almost like a death sentence. He told me to not feel bad or feel like I did something wrong. Because both my parents developed diabetes, he’s convinced that I was bound to get it. He believes it’s hereditary. (I don’t) But he really stressed the best way he could to me to not be hard on myself.  I have a lot to think about. Maybe it will be better to kind of go down the list of things I took away from my meeting with him.

1.    He said he’s treating the diabetes, with Metformin, (which he prescribed). It’s NOT insulin. It’s a medication. THAT’S A PLUS FOR ME.

2.    He said the Metformin will help me lose about 10 pounds. He said it curbs the appetite and might make my bowels loose. STILL LEARY AND A LITTLE WORRIED ABOUT THAT MED.


4.    When I asked him about losing weight and no longer needed the meds, he said that he doesn’t tell people that anymore because when he used to tell them to lose weight and he should be able to take them off the meds if they did well, it made them think that he said they would never have to be on the meds if they lost weight and that’s not true. He said he wants to monitor me and see what he will do next after I lose the weight. But he said what about the skinny people with Type II? They don’t have any weight to lose. That it’s not just about the weight but about the A1C and sugar levels. I understand that. Someone I know recently had a heart attack and he said it was due to his diabetes. And guess what?  He’s not fat.

5.    I mentioned my mother and how she had heart disease and triple bypass surgery. He said that came from her not managing her diabetes. He wants to TREAT me NOW so that I won’t get to that point. Get the blood sugar under control so that I won’t get into the danger zone of heart attack and stroke. My A1C is 7.3 and my sugar is 140, so I AM DIABETIC and we need to get the blood sugar under control. That’s what the meds are for. I WAS STILL JUST AFRAID OF BECOMING DEPENDENT ON THE DRUG AND THEN IT TURNING ON ME EVENTUALLY ANYWAY.

6.    I understand that he studied medicine for 12 years but he didn’t study nutrition for that long. I still want to learn as much as I can about the foods I’m eating so I can make the right changes. In my heart I still believe that this is reversible. If I can eat my way into it, I can eat my way back out of it.

7.    I’m still going to work hard on my eating habits and make as many changes as possible. I’ve already lost 5 pounds this week. I can do this. I just have to be more committed than ever before and my health has to be more important to me than the foods I’m used to eating.

Because of my doctor’s visit this morning I didn’t eat anything until just after 11:00. I was scared to eat. I took two GC with water on the way to work. I was really hungry so I bought a bag of mixed nuts, took out the m&m’s and just ate the nuts and raisins. I sipped on coffee with sweetened cream, and started on my water for the day. They’ve ordered pizza for lunch. Really need to have only two slices or definitely not eat the crust , especially if I have a 3rd slice.

Watching videos by Dr. Merritt from the Merritt Wellness Center.





Today I learned:
Heart attack is the number one cause of death in people with diabetes.
In America 80 percent of people age 55 are either diabetic (A1C 6+) or pre-diabetic (A1C 4-6).
This country is killing us.

Hankering for a pop. I haven’t had any since Tuesday. I feel like buying one and drinking half of it. But it’s only the first week. If I can’t pass the test of the first week, how important is my health to me? God give me strength.


I’ve often asked myself, what if I started right now and started doing EVERYTHING I know I should be doing for my body?  How long would it be before I’m at my physical best? How much weight would I lose by this time next year?  Would my skin look better and would my hair be longer? This diagnosis is making me answer that questions with my actions, and not just question myself in my head.

So  this morning my tummy is a little flatter. I pissed all day yesterday from the time she gave me that diagnosis, like every 30 minutes or so I had to go again. This is proof that there is power in WORDS. So I will definitely have to use my words to combat this, even though I ate my way into it.  I can eat my way back out of it. I held it off for about 7 years, and part of holding it off was speaking against it out of my mouth.

All I ate when I got home yesterday evening was a bag of pork skins with hot sauce and a little salt, and a glass of water. Feel a little lighter this morning.

For breakfast I had two eggs and three slices of bacon (two would have been better). Choking down water and sipping on coffee.
I also bought a yogurt parfait with extra pecans and granola. I’ll pick the strawberries out after I mix it up to get the strawberry flavor spread out. Hopefully there will be some tasty soup in the cafeteria. One day at a time. One meal at a time. One decision at a time.

Got on the scale today and I’ve lost 3 pounds this week.

So I went online and googled meds that spike blood sugar and guess what I found?  My high blood pressure meds spike blood sugar and I’ve been on them since 2009.  I admit it’s my fault that I’ve been on them for so long because when he first put me on them he told me that if I lost 50 pounds he could take me off of them. He said the extra weight was making my heart have to work too hard. 

Losing weight without a thyroid turned out to be extremely difficult and I ended up gaining an additional 15 pounds since 2009. I’m learning some things that I should have sought out before now.  Watching a video that is really eye-opening.

For lunch I’m having soup and salad. Before lunch I took two Garcinia Cambogia. I drank a large cup of lemon ginger tea with honey and extra lemon juice. I ate my beef barley soup and have not touched my salad. Feeling full. That slight hunger is still there but that will go away as my blood sugar goes back to normal.

Today I found some helpful information online. The one nutrition doctor I found said beets lower BP. I’ve never eaten beets but I will buy some. You can also buy beet juice. I will also look up other foods that lower BP. Will start sharing on my liveabiglife page.  That’s the whole idea behind the page and the title. Living better in all areas so I won’t be a useless Christian.
The last of the Snickers were taken today. Yay!

I’ve often passed on buying chicken breasts when they were on sale because I honestly don’t cook with them often.  But I will start buying them now especially on sale because when I go to the cafeteria and buy a salad I use chunks of chicken breasts on my salad.  Now I can buy them, cook them and bring them to work for my salads. They will help me save money in the long run by reducing the weight of my salads. I can also make sure I stay stocked with my salad dressings. I’ve discovered that I like Caesar and I also really like the Greek.

I had a nasty dinner tonight. A smoked sausage with mustard and cheese, covered with the nastiest chili sold in stores. I had gone to the grocery store, so after I ate that nastiness I ate a big helping of chips and salsa. It was delicious.