Tuesday, May 5, 2015


All of my adult single life in church I've heard the statement to single women, "The best way to be found (by a man for marriage) is to get lost in God." Those words never did set right with me even though for quite some time I couldn't put my finger on why. I understand the intention. Basically they are saying to get busy working for God. Do all your hands find to do and one day, lo and behold you'll get "found" by a man.  (yeah, keep telling that to all the single women who've been lost and working in church for the past 20 to 30 years, and still not found) Although there is some truth to that, I believe that wording takes it out of context. I was still having a fit with that one word, "lost", and the next two words, "in God". Those three words back to back sound like nonsense to me. As I walked with God and my relationship with Him grew I understood why I didn't like or agree with that statement.

First, let's allow the dictionary to tell us what it means to be "lost". 

1.no longer possessed or retained
2. no longer to be found
3.having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, 
4. not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor; wasted
5.being something that someone has failed to win
6. ending in or attended with defeat

So now you see why I have had a hard time accepting that I should seek to be or try  or desire to be "lost" and "in God" at the same time. 

Yes I understand the point that is being made but it doesn't make it a correct statement. I am a single, saved woman, who desires marriage so I need real talk. I don't need what you say to sound differently than what you mean or what you're trying to say

So what am I to do since getting lost in God is clearly not an option?  I will allow scripture to tell me.  One of my favorite scriptures is 
Psalm 119:114 which says, "Thou art my hiding place and my shield; I hope in thy word."

Now that sounds much better. Being lost is  not knowing where you really are, exactly how you got there, or how to get where you were intending to go when you started your journey. You've accidentally wandered off into a place and now you are at the mercy of whoever shows up first to help you. Hopefully they will help you and not take advantage of your vulnerable state.

To hide is more intentional.  You knew where you were. You knew of a secret place. You chose to go to that secret place for protection from whatever could bring you harm or take some advantage over you. You went to that place knowing that you could reveal yourself to only the one you choose.

Psalm 91:1 says, "He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty..."

Nothing mentioned here about being lost either, but rather to dwell and to abide. These are also things that are done intentionally. 
Jesus spoke to His disciples of abiding in Him in each of the scriptures from John 15:4-15:7

Not only does scripture instruct and encourage us to abide, dwell, and hide in Him, it also says that He would hide us. Where?  As Psalm 91:1 says, under His shadow.  Vs 4 says, "He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler".

Jesus said in Luke 13:34, "...how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!"

We are asked to seek God out on purpose, willingly hide in His secret place, and allow Him to protect us and cover us, only revealing us when the time is right, or when it is safe. I don't know about you but one day I realized that I need to be protected from the wrong kinds of men. I need to be protected from my own desire for companionship. As a woman I need to be able to control my emotions and moods. In any event that I may feel vulnerable, I need to make sure I haven't wandered away from my hiding place. I have the assurance of knowing that my heavenly Father and my Savior are waiting with open arms to cover and protect my tender heart from all who would not be pleasing to Him for me.

Some might read this and say, "You're just nit picking. You know what they mean when they say that!"  Honestly, I kinda did and I kinda didn't. I know what it means to be lost so why in the world would someone tell me to go get lost?! :-) What man, what Godly man wants a lost woman? It bothered me so I asked God about it, and He showed me Psalm 119:114. I immediately could put my finger on what bothered me about being told to "get lost in God".  Quite frankly I think that people tell you that sometimes just to get rid of you, like sending you to look for a red orange or something. 

You see, as I walked with God and allowed Him to build relationship with me, it was then that I actually FOUND myself! God knew where I was all along. I wasn't lost to him, except in my sins, but I was lost to myself. It was me who didn't know what, where, or who I was! He first lead me along the path to finding Him, and then the journey continued as He helped me to find myself.  I was lost, confused about things, bewildered, even overwhelmed by daily life, until I started talking to Him!  Even after I became a born again believer I was still lost in life, not knowing my purpose or which one of my several gifts was my core gift around which all others revolved, and were in place to support. The more He talked to me the more I understood myself...found myself.  I could not accept being told to get lost when I was finally beginning to feel, found.

It is in God that we begin to realize just how lost we were. It is in God that we gain understanding, about ourselves, about our God, about our ministry calling, about living life every day. It's in God that we are enlightened, that our eyes are opened, that we receive clarity about things, that our questions are answered. As all these things happen we are better equipped to hear God about who is worthy of our hand in marriage, who is a good fit for the calling of God on our lives, and to hear God clearly when He says, "Keep it moving. That's not it".  We won't allow ourselves to be dated by men who have no intentions toward marriage.

When you're lost, anybody can come along and make you feel like they are rescuing you or helping you.  What do you know?  You're lost!  Unless you get some gut feeling telling you otherwise, you're going to trust them to have your best interest at heart, whether they do or not. Anybody can come along and tell you where you are and give you any kinds of directions to get back on track. How would you know if they are lying? You're lost!  God doesn't want us as His precious single ladies to spend our lives wandering around waiting for some man to come along and tell us who we are, and where we're going from here. That's our Father's job, but like Jerusalem, we often won't let Him protect us, and over and over some of us are broken and taken advantage of.

There is another quote that I like much better which says, "The heart of a woman should be so hidden in God that a man will have to seek God in order to find her".  That's a lot better! God doesn't want us walking around lost, puzzled, wandering and wondering, bewildered, gone astray....in Him.  Crying over not being dated or having a man to spend time with, wondering why nobody wants us, second-guessing our value, questioning our beauty and worth. Being that way sets us up to be victims of more than one kind of abuse and would cause us to be what the scripture says, "destroyed for lack of knowledge". He wants us to walk around confident. You know how someone behaves when they have a juicy secret?  When they have knowledge of something that not everyone else has?  They behave as if they have some control, some power over the situation, and guess what?  They do and so do you! You are that wonderful secret. You are that precious jewel hidden until found by the one to whom God will reveal you. Take rest and find peace in the fact that the God you serve loves you so much that He'd rather keep you hidden forever than to reveal you and expose you to ravenous wolves who would tear you asunder, take advantage of you, and destroy you. You are the prize, the gift from God, the one who brings favor into a man's life that he can't even experience until you come along and say, "I do". You are one of the reasons that a man can declare the faithfulness of God. (that's another blog post) 

Single women of God have given away so much of our power to just anybody, or to happenstance, to men who knew just what to say or just how many scriptures to quote. We've given our power away to men because of what they had materially, not understanding that no matter what he has, when you come, you bring the very favor of God.  Our walk with God is to be intentional, on purpose. We're supposed to mean it! Hide in God so that the only men who will seek you out are men who are first seeking God!

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