If you are holding onto to how good something USED TO BE, and you keep trying to revive something that died years ago and has returned to the dust form whence it came...PLEASE LET IT GO!
I understand about keeping the faith. I understand about not giving up. But there are times when you keep brushing off the feeling that maybe you should look elsewhere, expand your vision, and allow yourself to see things from another perspective. You keep brushing God off even though He's asking you to give Him a chance to show you that He has more than one way to BLESS you and that what He wants to give you now is way more than the corpse you keep trying to revive.
You're trying to be noticed again. You're trying to be appreciated again. (if you ever really were) You're waiting for the people you've always dealt with to forget about the stuff they "heard about you", and it's never going to happen. You're trying to be good enough, prove yourself, you're studying and rehearsing what you're going to say. You're trying to dress right, look right, you're second-guessing your responses and beating your head against the wall trying to figure out how to regain what the LORD BLESSED YOU TO LOSE.
Somewhere along the line, because of how good things USED to be you convinced yourself that it could never be better than that, so like a junkie or crack addict, you continue to waste months and years chasing that original feeling. You're afraid that no matter where you go or who you deal with they won't be able to make you feel the way that dead thing used to...BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE. Ask God to enlarge your borders. He really does have something greater for you. Open your hand to receive the answer that the Lord is trying to give to you, and not what you are trying to hold on to. Open your mouth and begin to speak by faith, I RECEIVE BETTER.
The Lord will exceed your expectation. He will give you what the others NEVER would have considered giving you!