Knowing how to choose a mate is about knowing who you are in God, knowing God's will for your life, knowing your purpose and therefore knowing if that person fits into that plan and purpose. It's about knowing the direction you are being lead by God to go and recognizing when you have met the one who is walking in the same direction. When the honeymoon is over and the initial high of being in love and the newness of marriage fades, you will have to be able to walk together in agreement, about money, children, family, daily living in the home, and most of all, your God-given purpose.
We are not to go into courting and marriage hoping that the other person will tell us what our purpose is. That information comes from God, the one who created you, knows every cell of your body, and has numbered every hair of your head. The other person needs that information from God about themselves just as you do.
Although your purpose is tied to another person in marriage, it shouldn't be discovered after marriage. It's true that many people don't discover it until after marriage because they didn't know it was to be discovered beforehand. But to prepare for and enter into marriage correctly, the issue of one's purpose should be settled ahead of time. If it's not, what if you marry someone and end up "growing apart" when one or both of you you start to discover what your purpose is?
Although your purpose is tied to another person in marriage, it shouldn't be discovered after marriage. It's true that many people don't discover it until after marriage because they didn't know it was to be discovered beforehand. But to prepare for and enter into marriage correctly, the issue of one's purpose should be settled ahead of time. If it's not, what if you marry someone and end up "growing apart" when one or both of you you start to discover what your purpose is?
You need to understand that God's calling on your life is not predicated upon whether or not you have a mate. What God has called YOU to do, He has called YOU to do, so with or without a mate He expects His purpose to be fulfilled in YOUR life. This does not mean waiting to see if you get a mate before you begin to walk in it either. If bringing someone into your life means you will be pulled away from what God expects from you, you are bringing the wrong person into your life, no matter how you feel about each other or look with each other.
I know of two couples that when I first saw them together or knew of their engagement, my honest opinion was, "That doesn't even look right!" What did I mean by "look right"? I was looking at what I knew about each of them on the surface. I was looking at their physical appearances. I didn't know what either of their purpose was so how could I decide, and who was I to decide whether or not they were right for each other? I couldn't, and neither can you.
I'm not saying that God doesn't know and isn't capable of giving you what you desire. For the most part, the way He wired you shaped what you desire and find attractive. Without knowing what it means to be completely healed from all past wounds though, we won't realize that some of what we desire or find attractive is based on old wounds or past experiences and the condition they left us in. As we allow the healing of God to take place we will find that much of what we thought was a necessity, no longer is. What we used to find irresistible may turn out to be something that we could actually do without, or isn't nearly as important as it used to be. I'm sure most of us can think of someone in our past we at one time made us short of breath, but now looking at them makes us wonder what in the world we were thinking. This is true as we grow spiritually as well.
Over the years I have made changes to my "list" based on the things that the Lord has taught me about myself, and Himself. I basically still like what I like and don't like what I don't like as far as outward appearances go, but as God healed my heart over time I have learned to look beyond the surface and look for true Godly characteristics. That comes first and foremost. The other will be there as well but it won't be what drives me into saying "Yes" to a marriage proposal. As someone said to me years ago, "God will give you what you want wrapped in what you need." I don't care how attracted you are to someone or how much sexual chemistry the two of you may have, it can only take you so far, and often it won't take you past having sex.
Do I want to look cute with someone? Absolutely! I understand now though that part of looking cute means that there is some agreement, there has been some blending and there is some oneness. It means we are operating as a team, we are communicating, we are learning each others' ways and that we have eyes only for each other. It means we are spiritually connected and are not pulling each other in opposite directions from what God has designed us for. Above all, it means that we both have the same stamp of approval from God to be together for His ultimate purpose for both our lives.
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