SINGLE LIFE SERIES: The One Reason People Are Jealous

Dictionary.com defines jealous as: 

1.feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry,success, or advantages 

2.feeling resentment because of another's success, advantage, etc..

I don't remember what what I was thinking about or what was going on at the particular time when the Lord spoke this to me, but it sure did help me and it continues to help me. I do believe I was driving my car though but that's just about all I remember about it. What  I do know is that when He speaks, it's to me first, which means, I needed to hear it. 

He said to me, "There is one reason that people are jealous. It's because they don't realize how great they are. If a person really knows who they are they don't have room to or even think about being jealous of someone else because they are fully aware of the greatness that is inside of them". 

I've already shared with you the dictionary definition of jealous. Now I will share an even better definition that I heard from someone on Christian television years ago. I have no idea who he was but I'll never forget what he said. He said, "To be jealous of someone is to feel or believe that that person has an unfair advantage over you."

What the Lord said to me about jealousy and what this man said about what it means are more powerful to me than the dictionary definition. Both statements get right to the core, the heart of the matter.  When I thought about the times that I have felt jealousy toward someone else, (and yes I admit it. Why else would the Lord speak that to me?)  at the core of that feeling was that they were greater than I was in some way. I felt somehow that they had something good to offer that was way better than anything I could have to offer. In essence, in the moments that I felt jealousy, I felt like the other person was better than I was or that I was less than. I had feelings of inadequacy and non-importance. I didn't feel that there was something wonderful inside of me that people were waiting to partake of. 

The Lord wanted me to understand that He has created all of us with some greatness and much potential. We just have to be aware of that greatness and begin to cultivate it, and allow Him to teach us how to walk in it. When we spend all our time looking at all the wonderful things that others are accomplishing instead of tilling our own grounds of greatness, it's easy to feel that we have nothing of significance within ourselves. The Lord wants each of us to allow Him to show us the gifts that He has placed inside of us that are as meaningful as any other gift in any other person.

Have you ever heard someone say something like, "Everybody ain't able!" Or in the case of say, a single woman who is jealous of the fact that a man chooses another woman instead of her, she may say something like, "Well, I guess if I had her body or her hair" or whatever, "I could have men coming after me too!" Or, they may say something about her family or upbringing that they may feel was better than their own. Whatever she may mention about that woman is really her speaking what she feels is that woman's unfair advantage over her. When a man does it it's the same thing.  He may point out another man's car or other possessions, or even his body build or upbringing.  It just simply points back to that area of your own life where you feel like if it had been better, you'd be better, or more desirable.

God didn't create us so that the value we place on ourselves would be based on what we have, how we look physically, or even our education or any kind of status. When we were born we all came into the world naked, owning nothing. But we all came into this world already equipped with the potential to live out our wildest dreams and more, for did He not say in His word that He is able to do "exceeding, abundantly, above all that we ask or think"? (Ephesians 3:20) So our value and self-worth should be based on what He has said about us and not what we may or may not have compared to someone else. What we all have is the potential to live our lives to the fullest.

This is not to say that we are all called to live on the same level, doing the same things, or that if I live up to my full potential I will end up exactly where someone else is. But it is to say that as each of us discovers what it is inside of us as individuals that makes us wonderful and great in God that we will each become so fulfilled living our own lives that we won't have room to think that someone else has an unfair advantage over us.  Think about it. If someone has an unfair advantage over you, who gave it to them?  You are really saying that God did when He created them. You need to know that that's simply not true.

Allow me to be even a little more transparent and say that since the Lord first spoke that to me, I have still have feelings of jealousy at times.  But I am also constantly reminded that all that means is that there is some untapped greatness inside of myself that I have not discovered or begun to walk in. I can think of my gifts in that very moment that I haven't operated in on a level that is even pleasing to myself.  So if I can see room for improvement in myself, I know that it's nothing compared to what God sees.

Do you find yourself feeling jealous of people at times?  Let it be a sign to you that there is some treasure inside of you that is yet to be discovered. The only difference between what you see in the other person who seems to have an advantage and yourself, could really be how they feel about themselves, no matter what you see outwardly.  For what if he or she is clearly not as physically attractive as you are?  What then is their advantage?  Probably not what you might think. It probably just simply boils down to the fact that they have done what you need to do: accepted themselves completely. Accepted God's love for them. Believed in the wonder that God created when He created them and allowed their confidence to rest in that.

Allow your self-esteem to come from the truth of the Word of God, and your daily walk with Him. Allow Him to build you up from the inside out with His love and care for you, His tender heart toward you, and His protection. As you do this you will find that old green-eyed monster will rear his or her ugly head less and less. 

Problem with Giving? Problem with Believing!

BELIEVE: To have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so.

This morning just as I was opening my eyes I heard the Spirit say, “If you have trouble giving, you probably also have trouble believing.”

What an interesting thing to have spoken to me just as or just before my eyes opened this morning, but that’s what He said.

As I lay there thinking about what it meant, it really became very clear exactly what He was saying to me. I took an honest look at myself this morning upon hearing those words, and I had to admit that that is the absolute truth.  When I thought about all the times that I had a desire to give or even felt lead of the Lord to give certain amounts, when I didn’t do it, it was because I had some doubts about the return. When I chose not to give it was because I was thinking about my situation, what I had or didn’t have, or what I had thought about doing with that money. Even if I thought a little about the fact that it is more blessed to give than to receive, (Acts 20:35)I didn’t trust that it would happen when I wanted it to or quite frankly, at all.

Why would He say “probably”?  Maybe because some people are simply selfish, greedy and stingy. For them it’s got nothing to do with what God said He would do for them if they give, but just about getting and keeping as much as they can. That person according to scripture is called a fool. (Luke 12:20)

For the rest of us though, it really is just that simple.  If you have trouble giving it’s probably because you have trouble believing.

 We’ve already seen Acts 20:35.  Let’s find at least one more scripture about giving and see what it is that we should be believing. (There's more than one but this one is a good one!)

Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.”

Now that’s an awesome promise! The question is though, do we believe it? It’s not complicated. It simply requires an answer of “Yes” or “No”. Whether or not you believe what the bible says about God’s response to your giving will determine whether or not you give, sometimes how much you give, and always the condition of your heart when you give. 

I Corinthians 9:7-8 (NLT) says, “⁷ You must each decide in your heart how much to give. And don’t give reluctantly or in response to pressure. “For God loves a person who gives cheerfully.”^[c] 8 And God will generously provide all you need. Then you will always have everything you need and plenty left over to share with others.”

The scripture tells us plain and simple how we should give, from how much (you decide), to the condition of your heart and attitude (cheerfully, not reluctantly or responding to pressure).  When we give this way, there is a promise that we will always have everything we need and plenty left over to share with others. When we look at it this way, why would there be a problem with believing?  How could anyone doubt this? Like I said earlier, when I chose not to give, it was because I wasn’t looking at any promise from God.  I was listening to things people were saying and accusing me of while trying to talk me into giving certain amounts.  I was thinking about my bills and financial obligations. I was thinking about what I had and didn’t have. And I didn’t really believe that I could expect God to do exactly what He said in His word, which was simply to bless me with enough and extra.

As people of God we tend to complicate things so much.  It’s enough to make me wonder if those who are browbeating God’s people even believe the word themselves.  Maybe that’s why they resort to pressuring people into giving instead of just giving them the word, trusting the Spirit of God to deal with each person’s heart, trusting the people of God to respond to the Word of God, and trusting that all their needs will be met also.

I remember how freely I gave as a teenager.  I remember weeping to my pastor when I was about 17 years old about how it seemed like people had to be begged to give. It hurt my heart that people didn’t want to simply give because they loved the Lord and He has asked us to give. I also remember as I got older and had the responsibilities of a household that my focus shifted from what the Word says about being a cheerful giver to what if this or that did or did not happen for me. My head got so clouded with so much of what people were saying that for a very long time, I couldn't think straight when it came to giving.  

I don’t share this word with you as if to say, “You people aren’t trusting God!” or “God said yawl aren’t believing Him!”  People tend to do that to take the spotlight off themselves that the Lord has clearly shined on them in order to help them. I share with you what was first shared with me.  Remember I said I had to take an honest look at myself first. The Holy Spirit spoke those words to me. I share them with you because my assignment from God is to teach as I learn.

So what do I…what do we do now?  It’s time to continue to look honestly at our hearts toward God. It’s time to continue to ask ourselves and give the honest answer, “Do I believe God’s Word?  Do I believe that He will do exactly what He said He will do when I give freely and cheerfully? Am I giving according to how I’ve been instructed to give in scripture? ” 

You see, basically God is saying, “If you believe My Word, you will give. Period.”  No ifs, ands, or butts, or what had happened was.  If you believe, you will give. I’m reminded of the man in Mark 9:24 who cried out, “Lord I believe!  Help thou mine unbelief!”  He wasn’t talking about money or giving in that scripture but it does remind us that as much as we do believe, there are times when we still battle with thoughts of doubt that would try and make us back down from what our hearts are reaching for in God.

So I encourage you today as I remind and encourage myself, to get back to scripture. Give according to scripture. Show that you believe the promise by giving. Ask the Lord to help you to hear HIM more clearly, to weed out all of the words you’ve heard over the years and to stop using those words as excuses to not obey God’s instructions.  You see, no matter what anyone says in a building, into a microphone, you have His word available to you and quite frankly, you are without excuse.  I want to return to being the blessed, cheerful, pure-hearted and free giver that I was as a teenager and this morning the Lord let me know that He wants that for me also, and not only that, but He will help me. He will help you too.

SINGLE LIFE SERIES: I Love Him Just as Much as I Love You

Stuff God Said To Me: "I love him just as much as I love you."

This facial expression pretty much sums up my reaction to those words from the Lord.

After my separation and divorce I admit that I was very angry, became quite bitter, and carried some hatred and unforgiveness for a long time.  I had plenty of good reasons for leaving but there were so many things that I didn't see until after I left.  Some things would dawn on me and hit me so hard that all I could do was go and lie down to regain my strength. I recall lying down and waking up an hour and a half  to two hours later. No other area of my life, no matter how troubling or painful has ever taken strength from my body the way that issues with my ex did. Sometimes I would be talking to someone about something concerning him and suddenly it was like a light was turned on, and something that I hadn't paid any attention to during the entire marriage would become so clear, and I would just shut down. There were no words I could say, prayers I could pray or anything. I just had to go sleep it off. With every revelation of something that hurt me or angered me, I became more disgusted with him. 

I've told you that I carried hatred but honestly I didn't really know that I hated him until after God healed me to the point that I could release it.  Until that point, I didn't care if he lived or died and quite frankly I spent quite a bit of time wishing he were dead or would die and just be done with it. I sometimes envisioned how he would die. I remember wishing he would simply disappear. I despised the fact that I was connected to him through our two daughters and if only he would just cease to exist...yeah, I absolutely hated him. In the beginning though I never said I hated him. I was saved for crying out loud! Instead what I said, and and convinced myself of was, "I don't hate him, I just don't have any respect for him whatsoever." As a woman I can tell you that to lose respect for a man is about as low as he can get as far as your opinion is concerned, but there's also a fine line between losing respect and hatred. For a man to cause a woman to lose respect for him, he has to get her to the point that hatred is so close to what she feels, she really needs to do some praying and soul searching. I didn't do any soul searching, so I just thought I'd only lost respect for him.

I don't remember what I was thinking exactly when God spoke to me that day. I don't remember where I was, what I was wearing, what the weather was like or anything else. I do remember what He said when He interrupted my angry thoughts about him.  He said, "I love him just as much as I love you". My very first thought was "WHY?!"  with as much attitude as I could muster. I couldn’t believe it!  I mean seriously. I know you know what I went through, how I was made to feel, the things that were done to me behind my back, things that have been said and are still being said, things that people are believing because of what’s being said. All I could think about was the hurt he had caused me, the mental and emotional distress I had been in all those years of marriage, the tears I'd wept during the marriage and after the divorce up to that point. Was He not there to witness to what I went through? How in the world could God love him as much as He loves me?  I already had issues with feeling like God liked other people more than He liked me and now this! It just felt like God was just a little bit on his side more than on mine. I was the victim here, not him! So unfair!

If you know anything about how the Lord communicates, you know that often, He says what He says, and He’s done talking.  You rarely get long explanations from Him. He didn’t say anything else, but that one statement was enough to throw a wrench in my attitude and give me something to think about.

Consider what the scriptures say:

2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

John 3:16

¹⁶ For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

Matthew 5:45

That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven: for he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust.

These scriptures simply remind us that the same love and grace that is extended to you, is extended to everyone, yes even those who have hurt you deeply. The Lord didn’t have to explain Himself further after He said what He said. There are plenty of scriptures that bear witness to it. Initially though, I wasn't considering scripture. I was only considering the pain I had been in for so long and who had caused it. 

There's something about God speaking to you that changes your life a little bit. From that moment on, you can't be the same or think the same, or feel the same about that situation. When I realized that I was in disagreement with God's word, I had to change. What the Lord spoke to me ended up helping me to begin to release the hurt of all the painful things that had happened to me.  It was like coming to understand that walking in unforgiveness is like fighting against God Himself. It’s like you are refusing to extend grace and forgiveness to someone that God has extended it to. As if you know better than God does, what a person deserves or who deserves His love, forgiveness and mercy. No wonder He said, “If you don’t forgive, neither will my father forgive you.” From that moment on, no matter how angry I got about whatever he had done, I was reminded of God's love for him. It put a damper on my anger, my hatred, and I didn't realize it at the time, but it began to usher me to the point that I was able to allow that root of bitterness and unforgiveness to be plucked up. It reminded me of the mercy of God even toward myself.  It showed me that if I didn't want God to show him mercy or extend grace to him, maybe He shouldn't do it for me either...but I knew I needed it.  It showed me very clearly that God isn't on my side or his side, or anybody else's side.  The question He's asking of all of us is, "Who's on the Lord's side?" 

I'm thankful for God rocking my world a little bit that day. It set me on a path that lead me to my complete healing and deliverance from the hurt, hatred, bitterness and unforgiveness of the person who I felt has done me the most harm. I'm free today because the Lord didn't jump on my side but showed me how important it is to be on HIS side. 

I pray that if you are disgusted with your ex for whatever reason, or anyone who has hurt you deeply, that you will accept the fact that no matter what they did to you, God loves THEM. His hand of mercy is extended to them as much as it is to you. The blood He shed for you was also shed for them and just as he has made wonderful promises to you, He has to them also. It may hurt you to accept it at first. I'll be honest and tell you that it took me a while even after God spoke it, but I couldn't get away from it once I heard Him speak. The freedom I have now though,  is so much better than the chains that held me before. I beg of you, please don't go into your bright future carrying the baggage of someone who hurt you. You might feel like you're already walking in the light, but once you let go of every root of bitterness you will discover even more freedom and joy.

A good indication that you still need some healing and deliverance is your reaction when you hear their name or see them.  How does your countenance or overall attitude change when you speak of them or think of them?  It is merely a loss of respect, or are you harboring hatred?  I pray that you open your heart and allow the Lord to shine the light on whatever it is that you're really feeling and that whatever adjustments you need to make in your attitude toward that person, you ask God to help you to make them. You see, I know that you can't do it on your own. I couldn't either.  But the Lord never asks us to do anything that He can't assist us in doing. He has made Himself available to us because He knows that we can't do this on our own. But because He has offered Himself for us and to us, we are also now without excuse. He can ask us, require of us, yea even command us to forgive, love and release because He has done it for each of us.

I'M NOT LOOKING FOR STUFF!

Early this morning I had a dream that a former co-worker of mine who is also saved had become very discouraged.  Things hadn't been going well for her for quite some time. She wasn't finding good jobs and basically had been struggling since our job shut down back in 2008. She had the look of defeat on her face and she said that she was just going to leave.  I asked her, "Leave where?" And she said, "Leave God". I started out encouraging her not to do that. Then I began to share with her how hard it has been for me also since our job closed. I was telling her how I wasn't making much money, lost a home, got evicted, didn't always have what I wanted,  and the next thing I knew I was preaching, and I heard myself saying,

"BUT I'M NOT LOOKING FOR STUFF; I'M LOOKING FOR JESUS!" I started preaching it so good and sounding so unlike myself that my own pastor didn't recognize my voice.

That's the sentiment of my heart at this point.  While we (generally speaking) are chasing everything in life that people are telling us we should be chasing, we are sometimes losing our connection with God, or using our connection with Him to try and get Him to help us get hands on all the stuff. But He's the One who matters most. The One who has been taking care of us the whole time we were chasing whoever or whatever. And every time the bottom fell out, or we thought the bottom was going to fall out, we ran crying to Him to "come help", not realizing that He doesn't have to "come help", because He never left. He was always there! Did He not promise that He would never leave or forsake us? Well, He HASN'T. He WON'T, and guess what...He CAN'T! Not only is He walking WITH us, but we forget too often...He's living INSIDE of us.

I won't criticize anyone who may feel like my friend in the dream did. I've been there myself before, accusing God of not being faithful to me while it seemed He was being faithful to so many around me. I disrespected Him by thinking that living for Him wasn't paying off. It wasn't giving me the same benefits that I saw it giving to others. I felt like if this was all He had to offer me, I could go and make my life on my own. I didn't have to be miserable and broken with HIM in my life! I could do that all by myself! Or maybe I could even do better on my own because it didn't seem like He liked me very much anyway! So yes I know how you feel, but I learned that He was being faithful to me by not judging me according to the foolishness in my heart toward Him. He was faithful by allowing me to survive EVERY situation and hurt that I thought for sure would take my mind or my life.  

When I came into this season, all I could do was look back and see very clearly.  What did God do last time? And the time before that?  And the time before that? And.....yeah, all those other times. He worked it out. He fixed it. He held me together. He kept my mind in tact. He healed my heart. He showed me that the end of it was actually worked out from the beginning.  He showed me that I had wasted precious time crying and worrying about something that already had an expiration date, and that date just happened to be...right on time. He showed me so many things that I could have and should have been doing while I was sitting around moping and feeling sorry for myself.

So this time around, the only tears I intend to cry will be when I'm seeking His face or worshiping and thanking Him for who He is. While I'm asking Him to fill the void I created when I spent time chasing jobs because I didn't realize He had an appointed time for me to go to work and my time off was to be used more wisely. This time around I refuse to worry about stuff. After waking up from that dream I was able to see that it wasn't about that friend or anyone else nearly as much as it was about me. It was a chance for me to see how the condition of my heart toward God has changed and how I've grown. I'm not looking for stuff. I'm looking for Jesus.

#freshstart #divinedoover #HeISFaithful #liveaBIGlife

LETTER TO HARD WORK

Dear Hard Work,

I've never liked you.  You suck worms! You get on my nerves! You make me tired. You make me sweat. Sometimes you won't let me sleep. I have to keep getting up out of bed sometimes because I have to keep writing stuff that you don't speak until I get comfortable. What's up with that? You always nag me about what I'm supposed to be doing, what I said I was gonna do, what I forgot to do, what I don't feel like doing. Every time I think I'm about to do something here you come putting your two cents into it. 

You upset my comfort and always tell me that I have to do things I don't feel like doing.  You've always been so pushy and bossy. Then, when I don't do what you say, I end up paying a price.  So either way, I have to obey you and be miserable or not obey you and be miserable. Sometimes I wonder why you can't just let me do what I want to do without all the durn drama! Do you have to butt into EVERYTHING?  You gotta have something to say about EVERYTHING?! REALLY DUDE?! I can't with you sometimes. 

It would be nice to be able to accomplish something without having to deal with you but after all this time living with you looking over my shoulder and whispering into my ears I decided go ahead and give you a chance. You see, when I look back over my life, at every time you offered to hold my hand and help me do things and I rejected you, I ended up not finishing those things you offered to help me with.  Like in 5th grade when I quit the track team and missed out on getting all those cool ribbons and trophies....and college....and a few other things.  

You see, I didn't feel like you were helping me. I felt like you were hindering me, holding me back, killing my vibe.  But you were, it seems, my blessing in disguise. People would tell me that about you but I didn't believe it.  Too me, you hurt too much. You took up a lot of my time. You didn't like it when I hung out with other people very much. And you cost quite a bit. If I had fooled with you I would have been left with nothing! But now I see that being left with nothing would have positioned me to receive everything I was trying to accomplish without you.  

I still don't like you sometimes, but I need you, now more than ever, so I've been hanging out with you lately and I must say, there's something about you that sticks.  You get a little bit addictive. You make my blood rush. I even sleep pretty good after hanging out with you during the day. You make me feel strong and you help me to be determined at the point that I would normally send you on your way. The more I let you push me, the more you push, and then, wow, I let you push me more! Who knew?! You're kinda cool. 

Now you already know, I'm a stubborn one, strong willed and can be hard headed, and I have to keep a handle on my emotions because you make me want to throw hissy fits sometimes.  But if you would please, hang in there with me. I'm like an old dog learning new tricks but I have hope, that oddly, came from you.  I still don't like you very much,  but I honestly don't think I can do this without you.  Took me long enough realize huh? 

Dear Hard Work,

Much Respect.

To The Barren Mothers on Mother's Day

My heart has been so heavy today  and this weekend for many reasons. So many things I am unable to do as a mother and have not been able to do. But as I read what someone said about not being able to conceive and the heartache she feels every single Mother's Day, I was reminded of the pain I used to feel every year during this time as well. It reminded me that things have been worse for me that there are others who are hurting worse than I am today. 

There are no words to adequately describe the pain of the empty womb.  It wasn't just on Mother's Day though, but every holiday. I had no one to shop for, to buy school clothes for, to buy Easter outfits for, to listen to their speeches, or buy Christmas presents for. And on Mother's Day I had to endure people wishing me a Happy Mother's Day and telling me that I was a mother because I was a mother to the youth I worked with. It wasn't the same. It wasn't enough. It didn't take the pain away, or lessen it in the least.  The pain was not only every holiday but also, really, every month. Every month I suffered an emotional miscarriage. Some months I would be late enough to think I was pregnant, as much as 12 days late, but for 13 years, even though late at times, it still showed up, reminding once again that I was not pregnant.  It mocked me. It told me that I wasn't good enough. That God couldn't trust me with a little one.  It took me a while to finally realize that those were lies. It had nothing to do with me not being good enough, or not having God's favor, or not being fit for motherhood. Nothing whatsoever. In everything we deal with in life, God has a purpose, and a plan. That's all it's about. Whatever His perfect plan and purpose is.

I just want to say to every woman who is a mother in your heart, but not in manifestation, don't think that you're not good enough. Don't listen to any thought that tells you that something is wrong with you.  Don't think that God can't trust you with a child. It has nothing to do with those negative things.  I understand your pain today. I've felt it. I understand the tears. I've wept them. I understand the doubts and the thoughts you grapple with. I understand wishing people wouldn't say anything to you today, and just waiting until the stroke of midnight so that this day can finally be over. I understand what it's like to live between the frustrations of people telling you it's going to happen someday, and trying to learn to accept that it will not, or may not. Sometimes you just want them all the shut up.

Some of you will eventually conceive and some of you never will.  It's okay either way. Cry whatever tears you have to cry whenever you have to cry them. But then dry your eyes, and live the gift of life God has given you. Make the most of every advantage you have as NOT having children.  Take advantage of the freedoms you have. I know it might sound harsh today, and if it does, come back and read this again another day. It will sink in better then. The void will always be there on days like today and other key days during the year. It's a wonder how we have been able to bear the aching. 

Whether you ever give birth to your own physical child or not, I would encourage you to always remember to allow God to get the most out of your time.  Allow Him to maximize the freedoms you have without children to consider. As a single woman, I have to do the same thing without a husband. Whatever state we are in, it affords us some freedoms that people who have what we don't have, don't have. Allow God to keep before you and settle in your heart that even with this void, this pain, your life is a blessing and the very state you're in, even today, is a GIFT. Allow Him to teach you to cherish it and be ever reminded that He cherishes you, even in the midst of a longing and pain that He has trusted you and Graced you to endure.

SINGLE LIFE SERIES: Managing Sadness and Getting Emotionally Prepared for Marriage

After living with chronic depression all my life and finally being healed by God in 2001, I've learned one thing about sadness/melancholy.  Let it be what it is. Don't try to be brave by denying it or trying to hide it behind spirituality. The bravest, (and healthiest) thing you can do is to acknowledge it. Then give it a little while to run its course. Pay attention though, because you will feel when it's time to get up and get moving, and when you feel that...GET UP AND GET MOVING.

Sadness is normal and a part of life. Some levels of depression are also normal depending on the situation, but after awhile it's time to get moving again. David describes some depression in the Psalms but if you notice, by the end of each of those Psalms he's giving some kind of praise to God, no matter how much agony he was in at the beginning.

Since my healing in this area I've learned to manage my emotions instead of allowing them to drag me around on a leash, or allowing the enemy to bully me emotionally. I've learned to stay away from as much decision making as possible while I'm in any emotional state. It's best for me not to try and make small talk during these times because the sadness, (or whatever emotion) has a way of bleeding into your conversation. I cry when I need to, and then I wipe my tears and move forward. It's also good to follow the example of David in the Psalms and SAY SOMETHING TO GOD about how you feel and about how you TRUST HIM. Then move forward.

This is an area that I've never heard much teaching on to singles who desire a mate. For the most part if it's mentioned it's more of a warning to make sure the person you're about to marry isn't crazy.  Though it's true that you should get to know as much as possible about the person in every area possible, it's just as important to learn to get a handle on your own emotions so that you won't appear to be crazy to the person you're hoping to spend your life with. Stabilizing yourself emotionally will come in handy, before and after marriage. (Please try and get some control over yourself before someone comes into your life!) While waiting on God to manifest what He has promised in any area, relationship or otherwise, it's important to train yourself to not fly off the handle emotionally or live in emotional extremes, when things are not  going as you desire at the moment. Being that way makes you a nightmare to live with and the other person is clueless as to what you need, or want. It's really simple though. What you want is to have your way, and what you need is to control yourself emotionally.

For a long time I was so out of control emotionally I would find myself getting a major attitude with the only One who could help me and the One who loved me most!  In my emotional upheavals I would accuse Him of being unfair, unfaithful, or abandoning me. I learned through my walk with Him and Him speaking to me and teaching me that if I did that to Him, I would do even more to the man who I would say I loved. When the Lord pointed that out to me, it made me realize that I wasn't quite in a position to be a wife just yet. I needed to get a handle on my feelings and how I was being controlled by them. Having that attitude toward God would only set me up to have unrealistic expectations of what  man should be able to come into my life and do for me.

I understand that some people actually do suffer from emotional and mental illness.  Remember I said in the beginning that I lived with chronic depression all of my life until 2001.  I was diagnosed by a psychiatrist, and prescribed an antidepressant, and it was in that time that God laid upon my heart very strongly that He wanted to HEAL me. When the medication gave me dizzy spells it was all the confirmation I needed that I was hearing God correctly and I stopped the medication.  But since my healing I have had to learn to recognize, acknowledge, and control my emotions, especially the ones associated with sadness. For someone else the area of concern may be anger, or guilt, or fear.  Whatever it is, if you want to be emotionally mature enough for companionship, you're going to need to learn to manage and control those emotions. You're going to have to overcome being overcome by how you feel in your emotions. This is actually desperately needed with or without a mate because if you don't learn to control yourself emotionally you will continue to have temper tantrums against God when things aren't going your way.

SINGLE LIFE SERIES: Get LOST?...in GOD?

All of my adult single life in church I've heard the statement to single women, "The best way to be found (by a man for marriage) is to get lost in God." Those words never did set right with me even though for quite some time I couldn't put my finger on why. I understand the intention. Basically they are saying to get busy working for God. Do all your hands find to do and one day, lo and behold you'll get "found" by a man.  (yeah, keep telling that to all the single women who've been lost and working in church for the past 20 to 30 years, and still not found) Although there is some truth to that, I believe that wording takes it out of context. I was still having a fit with that one word, "lost", and the next two words, "in God". Those three words back to back sound like nonsense to me. As I walked with God and my relationship with Him grew I understood why I didn't like or agree with that statement.

First, let's allow the dictionary to tell us what it means to be "lost". 

lost: 

adjective

1.no longer possessed or retained

2. no longer to be found

3.having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, 

4. not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor; wasted

5.being something that someone has failed to win

6. ending in or attended with defeat

So now you see why I have had a hard time accepting that I should seek to be or try  or desire to be "lost" and "in God" at the same time. 

Yes I understand the point that is being made but it doesn't make it a correct statement. I am a single, saved woman, who desires marriage so I need real talk. I don't need what you say to sound differently than what you mean or what you're trying to say. 

So what am I to do since getting lost in God is clearly not an option?  I will allow scripture to tell me.  One of my favorite scriptures is 

Psalm 119:114 which says, "Thou art my hiding place and my shield; I hope in thy word."

Now that sounds much better. Being lost is  not knowing where you really are, exactly how you got there, or how to get where you were intending to go when you started your journey. You've accidentally wandered off into a place and now you are at the mercy of whoever shows up first to help you. Hopefully they will help you and not take advantage of your vulnerable state.

To hide is more intentional.  You knew where you were. You knew of a secret place. You chose to go to that secret place for protection from whatever could bring you harm or take some advantage over you. You went to that place knowing that you could reveal yourself to only the one you choose.

Psalm 91:1 says, "He that dwelleth in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty..."

Nothing mentioned here about being lost either, but rather to dwell and to abide. These are also things that are done intentionally. 

Jesus spoke to His disciples of abiding in Him in each of the scriptures from John 15:4-15:7

Not only does scripture instruct and encourage us to abide, dwell, and hide in Him, it also says that He would hide us. Where?  As Psalm 91:1 says, under His shadow.  Vs 4 says, "He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler".

Jesus said in Luke 13:34, "...how often would I have gathered thy children together, even as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and ye would not!"

We are asked to seek God out on purpose, willingly hide in His secret place, and allow Him to protect us and cover us, only revealing us when the time is right, or when it is safe. I don't know about you but one day I realized that I need to be protected from the wrong kinds of men. I need to be protected from my own desire for companionship. As a woman I need to be able to control my emotions and moods. In any event that I may feel vulnerable, I need to make sure I haven't wandered away from my hiding place. I have the assurance of knowing that my heavenly Father and my Savior are waiting with open arms to cover and protect my tender heart from all who would not be pleasing to Him for me.

Some might read this and say, "You're just nit picking. You know what they mean when they say that!"  Honestly, I kinda did and I kinda didn't. I know what it means to be lost so why in the world would someone tell me to go get lost?! :-) What man, what Godly man wants a lost woman? It bothered me so I asked God about it, and He showed me Psalm 119:114. I immediately could put my finger on what bothered me about being told to "get lost in God".  Quite frankly I think that people tell you that sometimes just to get rid of you, like sending you to look for a red orange or something. 

You see, as I walked with God and allowed Him to build relationship with me, it was then that I actually FOUND myself! God knew where I was all along. I wasn't lost to him, except in my sins, but I was lost to myself. It was me who didn't know what, where, or who I was! He first lead me along the path to finding Him, and then the journey continued as He helped me to find myself.  I was lost, confused about things, bewildered, even overwhelmed by daily life, until I started talking to Him!  Even after I became a born again believer I was still lost in life, not knowing my purpose or which one of my several gifts was my core gift around which all others revolved, and were in place to support. The more He talked to me the more I understood myself...found myself.  I could not accept being told to get lost when I was finally beginning to feel, found.

It is in God that we begin to realize just how lost we were. It is in God that we gain understanding, about ourselves, about our God, about our ministry calling, about living life every day. It's in God that we are enlightened, that our eyes are opened, that we receive clarity about things, that our questions are answered. As all these things happen we are better equipped to hear God about who is worthy of our hand in marriage, who is a good fit for the calling of God on our lives, and to hear God clearly when He says, "Keep it moving. That's not it".  We won't allow ourselves to be dated by men who have no intentions toward marriage.

When you're lost, anybody can come along and make you feel like they are rescuing you or helping you.  What do you know?  You're lost!  Unless you get some gut feeling telling you otherwise, you're going to trust them to have your best interest at heart, whether they do or not. Anybody can come along and tell you where you are and give you any kinds of directions to get back on track. How would you know if they are lying? You're lost!  God doesn't want us as His precious single ladies to spend our lives wandering around waiting for some man to come along and tell us who we are, and where we're going from here. That's our Father's job, but like Jerusalem, we often won't let Him protect us, and over and over some of us are broken and taken advantage of.

There is another quote that I like much better which says, "The heart of a woman should be so hidden in God that a man will have to seek God in order to find her".  That's a lot better! God doesn't want us walking around lost, puzzled, wandering and wondering, bewildered, gone astray....in Him.  Crying over not being dated or having a man to spend time with, wondering why nobody wants us, second-guessing our value, questioning our beauty and worth. Being that way sets us up to be victims of more than one kind of abuse and would cause us to be what the scripture says, "destroyed for lack of knowledge". He wants us to walk around confident. You know how someone behaves when they have a juicy secret?  When they have knowledge of something that not everyone else has?  They behave as if they have some control, some power over the situation, and guess what?  They do and so do you! You are that wonderful secret. You are that precious jewel hidden until found by the one to whom God will reveal you. Take rest and find peace in the fact that the God you serve loves you so much that He'd rather keep you hidden forever than to reveal you and expose you to ravenous wolves who would tear you asunder, take advantage of you, and destroy you. You are the prize, the gift from God, the one who brings favor into a man's life that he can't even experience until you come along and say, "I do". You are one of the reasons that a man can declare the faithfulness of God. (that's another blog post) 

Single women of God have given away so much of our power to just anybody, or to happenstance, to men who knew just what to say or just how many scriptures to quote. We've given our power away to men because of what they had materially, not understanding that no matter what he has, when you come, you bring the very favor of God.  Our walk with God is to be intentional, on purpose. We're supposed to mean it! Hide in God so that the only men who will seek you out are men who are first seeking God!

SINGLE LIFE SERIES: Yawl Look Good Together! And?

Looking good together or being a cute couple doesn’t mean you’re supposed to be married to each other.  Any two people can have similar tastes, make each other blush, wear matching outfits, or laugh at the same jokes. But if neither of you or one of you does not know your purpose and your calling from God, how will you know whether the person you're looking cute with, and giving your time, attention and heart to meets God's approval?  Looking good together and even being in love is not proof that God has set His stamp of approval on your union.

Knowing how to choose a mate is about knowing who you are in God, knowing God's will for your life, knowing your purpose and therefore knowing if that person fits into that plan and purpose. It's about knowing the direction you are being lead by God to go and recognizing when you have met the one who is walking in the same direction. When the honeymoon is over and the initial high of being in love and the newness of marriage fades, you will have to be able to walk together in agreement, about money, children, family, daily living in the home, and most of all, your God-given purpose. 

We are not to go into courting and marriage hoping that the other person will tell us what our purpose is.  That information comes from God, the one who created you, knows every cell of your body, and has numbered every hair of your head. The other person needs that information from God about themselves just as you do.

Although your purpose is tied to another person in marriage, it shouldn't be discovered after marriage. It's true that many people don't discover it until after marriage because they didn't know it was to be discovered beforehand. But to prepare for and enter into marriage correctly, the issue of one's purpose should be settled ahead of time. If it's not, what if you marry someone and end up "growing apart" when one or both of you you start to discover what your purpose is? 

You need to understand that God's calling on your life is not predicated upon whether or not you have a mate.  What God has called YOU to do, He has called YOU to do, so with or without a mate He expects His purpose to be fulfilled in YOUR life. This does not mean waiting to see if you get a mate before you begin to walk in it either. If bringing someone into your life means you will be pulled away from what God expects from you, you are bringing the wrong person into your life, no matter how you feel about each other or look with each other.

I know of two couples that when I first saw them together or knew of their engagement, my honest opinion was, "That doesn't even look right!" What did I mean by "look right"?  I was looking at what I knew about each of them on the surface. I was looking at their physical appearances. I didn't know what either of their purpose was so how could I decide, and who was I to decide whether or not they were right for each other?  I couldn't, and neither can you.

I'm not saying that God doesn't know and isn't capable of giving you what you desire.  For the most part, the way He wired you shaped what you desire and find attractive.  Without knowing what it means to be completely healed from all past wounds though, we won't realize that some of what we desire or find attractive is based on old wounds or past experiences and the condition they left us in.  As we allow the healing of God to take place we will find that much of what we thought was a necessity, no longer is.  What we used to find irresistible may turn out to be something that we could actually do without, or isn't nearly as important as it used to be. I'm sure most of us can think of someone in our past we at one time made us short of breath, but now looking at them makes us wonder what in the world we were thinking. This is true as we grow spiritually as well.

Over the years I have made changes to my "list" based on the things that the Lord has taught me about myself, and Himself.  I basically still like what I like and don't like what I don't like as far as outward appearances go, but as God healed my heart over time I have learned to look beyond the surface and look for true Godly characteristics.  That comes first and foremost. The other will be there as well but it won't be what drives me into saying "Yes" to a marriage proposal. As someone said to me years ago, "God will give you what you want wrapped in what you need."  I don't care how attracted you are to someone or how much sexual chemistry the two of you may have, it can only take you so far, and often it won't take you past having sex.

Do I want to look cute with someone?  Absolutely! I understand now though that part of looking cute means that there is some agreement, there has been some blending and there is some oneness. It means we are operating as a team, we are communicating, we are learning each others' ways and that we have eyes only for each other. It means we are spiritually connected and are not pulling each other in opposite directions from what God has designed us for. Above all, it means that we both have the same stamp of approval from God to be together for His ultimate purpose for both our lives.